Life and Times of a Mommy(:

Day Seven

on May 8, 2013

Day Seven. This may be my favoritest post yet in this challenge. Today’s truth is someone who has made your life worth living. There are many people that bring joy to my life. There are many people who I love dearly and can’t imagine them not being in my life. But there is one person, actually one little boy, who means more than word can describe to me. That would be my three year old son, Trey.

You guys have heard a little about what happened here, but not the full story. Just that his dad left me and I was all set to be a single mom when he came back and it just was craziness. Well. There is more to the story. You guys also know that I have depression and anxiety. What you don’t know is that when not on medicine, I get pretty down.

When his daddy broke up with me the first time, I balled my eyes out and asked God to give him back to me. I cried so hard that my dad, who didn’t trust me with medicines for obvious reasons, had to give me Dramamine so I could calm down enough to sleep. When he walked out the second time, the same thing happened. I cried and begged God to give him back to me. Little did I know, that feeling of abandonment and hopelessness would only get worse.

After I moved out of his apartment, we didn’t talk about anything but my amazing little boy. But then, right after he turned one, we decided to try and work it out again for him. Stupid me, thought it would work. Our relationship quickly faded back into what it was. Then one night I was up long after everyone was asleep. (I was living with my then best friend and there were some people over.) I asked him something, I don’t even remember what now. I can’t remember what he said either, I just know it crushed me. That night was the first night I seriously considered hurting myself.

But, as I sat in the dark living room, by myself, I thought about the baby asleep just on the other side of the wall. I thought about the way his face lit up when he saw me, him taking his first steps, him saying his first word, and all the milestones I would miss if I were to do anything. The love I would miss out on if I left my amazing little boy.

Every time I get down or have a really bad day, I go home and I cuddle my baby. The baby that will never understand just how much mom loves him and how much mommy needs him. This three year old, bouncing, frustrating, loving, exasperating, amazing little boy definitely made my life worth living.

This is my little man on his nanna's horse, Carlos, wearing his uncle's hat. His poppy is leading the horse around but you can't see him. My step mom cropped him out.

This is my little man on his nanna’s horse, Carlos, wearing his uncle’s hat. His poppy is leading the horse around but you can’t see him. My step mom cropped him out.





3 responses to “Day Seven

  1. […] baby daddy drama that no one likes to here you guys can just reference this post, this post, and this post. So why don’t we just jump right on day […]

  2. […] The most recent down occurred after I had moved out of my parents house. It was the summer after my freshmen year of college. I had moved in with a friend, my son was staying with his dad, and I was just in a rough place. My dad and step mom pretty much cut off all contact with me, as they didn’t approve of what I was doing and I treated them with very little respect. Even though they weren’t talking to me, they used the extra money I had left over from school to make sure I had water, electricity, and a place to live. After that, I was on my own. After a while I came to my senses. But while they weren’t talking to me, I hit a pretty low place, learned who was there for me, and learned just how much a child’s love can really effect you. […]

  3. […] Twenty Five and Day Twenty Six. The reason I think I’m still alive today. My son. Plain and simple. That post also talks about the time I wanted to give up on life and […]

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