Life and Times of a Mommy(:

Strap Yourselves In…

on May 15, 2013

Because this one is going to be a bumpy ride…. Today’s day is something or someone you can’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it/them. Now, at first I was going to make this a funny post. I was going to say I can’t live without my daily 20 ounce bottle of coke. But then I thought about it. While I think I can’t live without it, I know I can. I did it while I was pregnant, albeit I had horrible caffeine withdrawal headaches. I could have totally done without it. There is a person I’ve tried living without (against my will) and it didn’t work too well. And since we have already talked about my daddy, I want to tell about another person that I’m just as close, if not closer too. This person has not been in my life for near as long as my dad has, but she means just as much. This person is my lovely, amazing, wonderful stepmother.

Day Fifteen

The summer before my mom moved me away from family and friends, my dad met the most amazing woman. She was nice, funny, she helped me with my hair and make up, and best of all, she wasn’t like any woman I ever imagined my dad dating. (Being the way I am, I was absolutely positive that my dad was going to marry a horrible, mean woman who would be mean to me. And my dad wouldn’t believe me when I told him how mean she was.) Then one night, my dad blindfolded me and my step brother and then loaded us up in his truck. After a while of driving, he took the blindfolds off and we were standing in front of our newly rebuilt house. My step mom led me out to the back deck after I had excitedly explored my room. We stood there talking about  the house and how exciting it was.

“I have to tell you something,” she said after a few minutes. Holding out her left hand, she exclaimed, “Your dad asked me to marry him!” My jaw hit the floor, I squealed, and I’m pretty sure I jumped up and down. I was so excited it wasn’t even funny. This was the day life at my dad’s house changed.

Over the past five years (almost six), I couldn’t have asked for a better role model. My real mom and I have had our ups and downs, but haven’t been as close as my step mom and I are since I was about twelve years old. While living in away from my family, my step mom and I had some major ups and downs. They continued after I moved back home until one say she scared me back into line. (She didn’t hit me or anything but when my step mom gets mad, like super, uber, amazingly mad, she gets scary. You don’t want to see that side of her…)

The most recent down occurred after I had moved out of my parents house. It was the summer after my freshmen year of college. I had moved in with a friend, my son was staying with his dad, and I was just in a rough place. My dad and step mom pretty much cut off all contact with me, as they didn’t approve of what I was doing and I treated them with very little respect. Even though they weren’t talking to me, they used the extra money I had left over from school to make sure I had water, electricity, and a place to live. After that, I was on my own. After a while I came to my senses. But while they weren’t talking to me, I hit a pretty low place, learned who was there for me, and learned just how much a child’s love can really effect you.

Without my dad and step mom around I have poor judgment skills (worse than normal), horrendous fashion skills, and I’m just an all around crappy person to be around. My step mom means more than words can describe to me. Without her, I wouldn’t have made it through one, let alone two, pregnancies. I probably wouldn’t even have graduated high school. I may have fought tooth and nail to be everything I wasn’t, she made sure  I stayed true to myself.
“Oh, you want those Tripp pants with the huge pockets and a billions of chains? And you want to keep that tongue piercing your mom let you get a 16? Yeah, you can forget about that. You look ridiculous.”
And, like always, she was right. Instead, she took me to a local western store that I loved and bought me a couple shirts. She also made sure I had cowboy boots to fit my feet when they got all swollen from being pregnant.

When I live without this woman, my life goes to crap. I don’t know which way is up and which way is down. Without her, I would lose my sanity. If I call her and  have a slight hitch in my voice, within the next however long it takes her to convince me to talk about it, she will know exactly what is wrong and how to fix it. And I will probably be in tears from finally getting whatever I have been stressing about off my chest. I can only aspire to be as good of a mother as she is. There is a Brad Paisley song that always makes me think of her. It’s called “He Didn’t Have To Be”. Change all the “he”s to “she”s and you will understand. The ending line “Yeah, I hope I’m at least half the dad/That he didn’t have to be” is the one line that really resonates with me. I hope I’m at least half the mom that she didn’t have to be.

(That’s surprisingly not as bumpy as I thought. But, sorry for the skippage of yesterday. Yesterday was a letter to a hero that’s let you down. My daddy is my hero and he has never let me down, so I can’t really write anything for that.)


4 responses to “Strap Yourselves In…

  1. aliciabenton says:

    Your honesty and transparency in this post are amazing. ❤

    And don't feel bad… To be so damn "intelligent," I have the worst judgment ever.

    • xdanigirl says:

      Thanks (:
      According to my step mom, I’m book smart but that’s about it! And, I have to agree with her. I can quote the most random facts, but when it comes to everything that doesn’t have to do with school, I’m pretty slow…

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