Life and Times of a Mommy(:

Long Live

on May 23, 2013

Have you ever had a person come into your life in a….different way and leave in the same manner? Someone that impacted you so greatly that you can’t forget them, no matter how hard you try? Maybe they were only in your life for a short amount of time, and they still have that impact on your life. Such an impact that things like driving by a certain place to listening to a song bring memories flooding back. For some people, that person is a significant other, or a family member, but for me, it is a girl I met in high school. I think about her constantly. I’ve tried writing about her a few times but just couldn’t quite get the words right. So today, I’m going to try again.


Her name was Elizabeth. We met my junior year of high school, after I moved home. We both had a mutual guy friend. His name isn’t really important so we will call him S. My dad and S’s mom worked together, so when my dad’s house burned down, he stayed with S’s family and another family that lived with them. That’s how S and I met. So when I moved back home and found out he was going to the same school as me, we started hanging out. At first, Elizabeth didn’t like me because she thought I was trying to steal S from her. (High school drama, it’s great isn’t it?) I thought it was rather hilarious that this girl, a sophomore, was so insecure about a guy, who was a total ass, that she was going to be a bitch to a junior. Well, in the mornings before class started we would all sit along a wall and hang out. S and I would be at one end, Liz and her friends at the other plotting my downfall. Eventually we both discovered that the other was pretty freaking awesome so we became friends.


Senior year rolled around and every morning we would hang out in the cafeteria. Well, in September, I found out I was pregnant. I was sicker than a dog Every. Single. Morning. for three months straight. Liz, being the amazing person she is, would come hold my hair back every morning while I got sick. If she walked into the cafeteria and I wasn’t at our usual table, she would come straight to the bathroom to check on me. When baby daddy finally left me, Liz and I made the joke that she was the baby’s daddy. Once I started showing, every time she saw me she would say hi to my belly before she would me. When I had the baby, she convinced S to bring her up to the hospital to see me.


Finally, I graduated and it was her turn to be a senior. Once I stopped working crazy hours, she was at my apartement. In May, right before her graduation, her house flooded. After this, her grandparents couldn’t really afford to have her live with them, so she moved in with me. Talk about some fun times!! I mean, we had fun when ever she came over to hang out, but now, we were living together!! We moved out of my one bedroom apartment into a two bedroom apartment. Guys, I’ve never in my life had so much fun setting up a bed. She had an iron frame bed with not one but two mattresses on it. It was the bounciest bed I have ever been on!! WE had so much fun in that apartment. Even had a party or two.

Then it all went to hell. See, the guy I had been dating (a friend from high school) and I broke up. I just wasn’t emotionally stable enough for a relationship. He had been staying at our place, so when we broke up he took his stuff back home to his mom’s. Liz and this guy had never met at school, they had met through me. (Which is were a lot of the hurt feelings come from, I think.) After he moved back to his parents, her and him became friends and started texting. He mentioned something about his mom kicking him out or something, so Liz invited him to move back in with us. The way we saw it, since he was in the National Guard and go paid like $200 every time he went to drill (once a month), that was an extra $200 to help out.

Things got awkward. They were friends, I had stuff going on and I didn’t know what my head and heart where thinking. (This is about the time my hubby comes in but we will get to that.) I couldn’t figure out if there were feelings there or not. Then, somehow, I figured out they had feelings for each other. A fight ensued. (No one was hurt. Just some very delirious talking, as Liz had been asleep, and yelling. I was yelling.) We made some rules. The rules weren’t followed. By either of us.  Eventually, the two of them moved out, leaving me and my hubby (we were dating at the time) with a $130 electric bill we couldn’t pay. They eventually moved back in and things never got any better. Finally, hubby and I moved out.

They got married, hubby and I got married. They got pregnant, we got pregnant. Liz, the guy, and I pretty much stopped talking. Liz and I talked about pregnancy stuff while we were pregnant but it just wasn’t the same. He would text me while he was at drill, which I found odd. I mean, yeah we had been friends in high school, and we had dated, but so much…..shit had happened that it just wasn’t the same. Eventually, hubby got annoyed by him texting me. My husband isn’t the jealous type (anymore), but he saw what I went through and how bad I had been hurt. So, he played a joke on them. It was a kind of juvenile one and it was taken too far. Finally, I said look, things aren’t the way they used to be and we obviously can’t joke around anymore, so lets just cut ties now. They agreed, although they didn’t see anything wrong with wanting to talk to an old friend.

I think about her often. Lately, I think about her at least once a day. I drive by the apartment complex we lived in together every day. I think about all the fun times we had and the memories we made. I think about every time we drove around in my car, screaming out song lyrics and making up crazy dances. I remember feeling betrayed, alone, and let down. I remember her making me laugh after I had just been balling my eyes out. I remember laying on one of our beds talking about boys and how stupid they were. I remember watching movies and crying together. I remember the good times and the bad times, but mostly the good. Every time I go to church (her apartment is by my church), every time I drive past our old apartment, every time I listen to certain songs, I think of Elizabeth and how close we were. The sister that I never had. The friend that I thought would be there for always.

If, God forbid, fate should step in
And force us into a goodbye,
If you have children some day
When they point to the pictures
Please tell them my name.
Tell them how the crowds went wild,
Tell them how I hope they shine.

Long live the walls we crashed through.
I had the time of my life, with you.
Long, long live the walls we crashed through.
All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you.
I was screaming long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders
I’m not afraid.
Singing, long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.
And long, long live that look on your face
And bring on all the pretenders.
One day, we will be remembered.

-“Long Live” by Taylor Swift. This will always be my song to her. She may never think about me and we may never talk or ever see each other again, but I will cherish the memories we made forever.

Long live all the magic we made, I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.

Long live all the mountains we moved, I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.


7 responses to “Long Live

  1. aliciabenton says:

    Wow – powerful post. I hope that she thinks about the good times now, too. Sometimes, as young immature girls, we can be so petty. And we definitely don’t know the value of a good relationship with a girlfriend until we’re older. I hope it’s not too late to reconnect and work on building your friendship back up.

    • xdanigirl says:

      Unfortunately it is. Things got so messed up and ruined back then that there is just no way to fix those hurt feelings. I really wish we could fix those feelings. We went through so much together. It’s really hard to see it thrown away.

      • aliciabenton says:

        So sad.

        I love this quote and thought of you after reading your post:

        “I know…and I love you. But I don’t think we love each other in the same way. And…I think keeping you near me, would destroy me.”
        ― S.C. Stephens, Thoughtless

      • xdanigirl says:

        That’s exactly it. That quote fits very well.

      • xdanigirl says:

        So. I lied. It might not be too late. I sent her this post and she said that she was glad to get my perspective on things because it helped her understand what happened. We are now talking and trying to work things out and hopefully be friends again!

      • aliciabenton says:

        That’s great news! Very encouraging. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own emotions and our own versions of what we think happened that we lose sight of the fact that the other person may recall something completely differently. I’m so glad that she was able to see things from your point-of-view after all this time. I pray that you can mend your friendship and find some healing. Keep me posted!!

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