TheLifeandTimesofaMom

Life and Times of a Mommy(:

Long Live

Have you ever had a person come into your life in a….different way and leave in the same manner? Someone that impacted you so greatly that you can’t forget them, no matter how hard you try? Maybe they were only in your life for a short amount of time, and they still have that impact on your life. Such an impact that things like driving by a certain place to listening to a song bring memories flooding back. For some people, that person is a significant other, or a family member, but for me, it is a girl I met in high school. I think about her constantly. I’ve tried writing about her a few times but just couldn’t quite get the words right. So today, I’m going to try again.

download

Her name was Elizabeth. We met my junior year of high school, after I moved home. We both had a mutual guy friend. His name isn’t really important so we will call him S. My dad and S’s mom worked together, so when my dad’s house burned down, he stayed with S’s family and another family that lived with them. That’s how S and I met. So when I moved back home and found out he was going to the same school as me, we started hanging out. At first, Elizabeth didn’t like me because she thought I was trying to steal S from her. (High school drama, it’s great isn’t it?) I thought it was rather hilarious that this girl, a sophomore, was so insecure about a guy, who was a total ass, that she was going to be a bitch to a junior. Well, in the mornings before class started we would all sit along a wall and hang out. S and I would be at one end, Liz and her friends at the other plotting my downfall. Eventually we both discovered that the other was pretty freaking awesome so we became friends.

download

Senior year rolled around and every morning we would hang out in the cafeteria. Well, in September, I found out I was pregnant. I was sicker than a dog Every. Single. Morning. for three months straight. Liz, being the amazing person she is, would come hold my hair back every morning while I got sick. If she walked into the cafeteria and I wasn’t at our usual table, she would come straight to the bathroom to check on me. When baby daddy finally left me, Liz and I made the joke that she was the baby’s daddy. Once I started showing, every time she saw me she would say hi to my belly before she would me. When I had the baby, she convinced S to bring her up to the hospital to see me.

download

Finally, I graduated and it was her turn to be a senior. Once I stopped working crazy hours, she was at my apartement. In May, right before her graduation, her house flooded. After this, her grandparents couldn’t really afford to have her live with them, so she moved in with me. Talk about some fun times!! I mean, we had fun when ever she came over to hang out, but now, we were living together!! We moved out of my one bedroom apartment into a two bedroom apartment. Guys, I’ve never in my life had so much fun setting up a bed. She had an iron frame bed with not one but two mattresses on it. It was the bounciest bed I have ever been on!! WE had so much fun in that apartment. Even had a party or two.

Then it all went to hell. See, the guy I had been dating (a friend from high school) and I broke up. I just wasn’t emotionally stable enough for a relationship. He had been staying at our place, so when we broke up he took his stuff back home to his mom’s. Liz and this guy had never met at school, they had met through me. (Which is were a lot of the hurt feelings come from, I think.) After he moved back to his parents, her and him became friends and started texting. He mentioned something about his mom kicking him out or something, so Liz invited him to move back in with us. The way we saw it, since he was in the National Guard and go paid like $200 every time he went to drill (once a month), that was an extra $200 to help out.

Things got awkward. They were friends, I had stuff going on and I didn’t know what my head and heart where thinking. (This is about the time my hubby comes in but we will get to that.) I couldn’t figure out if there were feelings there or not. Then, somehow, I figured out they had feelings for each other. A fight ensued. (No one was hurt. Just some very delirious talking, as Liz had been asleep, and yelling. I was yelling.) We made some rules. The rules weren’t followed. By either of us.  Eventually, the two of them moved out, leaving me and my hubby (we were dating at the time) with a $130 electric bill we couldn’t pay. They eventually moved back in and things never got any better. Finally, hubby and I moved out.

They got married, hubby and I got married. They got pregnant, we got pregnant. Liz, the guy, and I pretty much stopped talking. Liz and I talked about pregnancy stuff while we were pregnant but it just wasn’t the same. He would text me while he was at drill, which I found odd. I mean, yeah we had been friends in high school, and we had dated, but so much…..shit had happened that it just wasn’t the same. Eventually, hubby got annoyed by him texting me. My husband isn’t the jealous type (anymore), but he saw what I went through and how bad I had been hurt. So, he played a joke on them. It was a kind of juvenile one and it was taken too far. Finally, I said look, things aren’t the way they used to be and we obviously can’t joke around anymore, so lets just cut ties now. They agreed, although they didn’t see anything wrong with wanting to talk to an old friend.

I think about her often. Lately, I think about her at least once a day. I drive by the apartment complex we lived in together every day. I think about all the fun times we had and the memories we made. I think about every time we drove around in my car, screaming out song lyrics and making up crazy dances. I remember feeling betrayed, alone, and let down. I remember her making me laugh after I had just been balling my eyes out. I remember laying on one of our beds talking about boys and how stupid they were. I remember watching movies and crying together. I remember the good times and the bad times, but mostly the good. Every time I go to church (her apartment is by my church), every time I drive past our old apartment, every time I listen to certain songs, I think of Elizabeth and how close we were. The sister that I never had. The friend that I thought would be there for always.

If, God forbid, fate should step in
And force us into a goodbye,
If you have children some day
When they point to the pictures
Please tell them my name.
Tell them how the crowds went wild,
Tell them how I hope they shine.

Long live the walls we crashed through.
I had the time of my life, with you.
Long, long live the walls we crashed through.
All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you.
I was screaming long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders
I’m not afraid.
Singing, long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.
And long, long live that look on your face
And bring on all the pretenders.
One day, we will be remembered.

-“Long Live” by Taylor Swift. This will always be my song to her. She may never think about me and we may never talk or ever see each other again, but I will cherish the memories we made forever.

Long live all the magic we made, I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.

Long live all the mountains we moved, I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.

7 Comments »

Strap Yourselves In…

Because this one is going to be a bumpy ride…. Today’s day is something or someone you can’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it/them. Now, at first I was going to make this a funny post. I was going to say I can’t live without my daily 20 ounce bottle of coke. But then I thought about it. While I think I can’t live without it, I know I can. I did it while I was pregnant, albeit I had horrible caffeine withdrawal headaches. I could have totally done without it. There is a person I’ve tried living without (against my will) and it didn’t work too well. And since we have already talked about my daddy, I want to tell about another person that I’m just as close, if not closer too. This person has not been in my life for near as long as my dad has, but she means just as much. This person is my lovely, amazing, wonderful stepmother.

Day Fifteen

The summer before my mom moved me away from family and friends, my dad met the most amazing woman. She was nice, funny, she helped me with my hair and make up, and best of all, she wasn’t like any woman I ever imagined my dad dating. (Being the way I am, I was absolutely positive that my dad was going to marry a horrible, mean woman who would be mean to me. And my dad wouldn’t believe me when I told him how mean she was.) Then one night, my dad blindfolded me and my step brother and then loaded us up in his truck. After a while of driving, he took the blindfolds off and we were standing in front of our newly rebuilt house. My step mom led me out to the back deck after I had excitedly explored my room. We stood there talking about  the house and how exciting it was.

“I have to tell you something,” she said after a few minutes. Holding out her left hand, she exclaimed, “Your dad asked me to marry him!” My jaw hit the floor, I squealed, and I’m pretty sure I jumped up and down. I was so excited it wasn’t even funny. This was the day life at my dad’s house changed.

Over the past five years (almost six), I couldn’t have asked for a better role model. My real mom and I have had our ups and downs, but haven’t been as close as my step mom and I are since I was about twelve years old. While living in away from my family, my step mom and I had some major ups and downs. They continued after I moved back home until one say she scared me back into line. (She didn’t hit me or anything but when my step mom gets mad, like super, uber, amazingly mad, she gets scary. You don’t want to see that side of her…)

The most recent down occurred after I had moved out of my parents house. It was the summer after my freshmen year of college. I had moved in with a friend, my son was staying with his dad, and I was just in a rough place. My dad and step mom pretty much cut off all contact with me, as they didn’t approve of what I was doing and I treated them with very little respect. Even though they weren’t talking to me, they used the extra money I had left over from school to make sure I had water, electricity, and a place to live. After that, I was on my own. After a while I came to my senses. But while they weren’t talking to me, I hit a pretty low place, learned who was there for me, and learned just how much a child’s love can really effect you.

Without my dad and step mom around I have poor judgment skills (worse than normal), horrendous fashion skills, and I’m just an all around crappy person to be around. My step mom means more than words can describe to me. Without her, I wouldn’t have made it through one, let alone two, pregnancies. I probably wouldn’t even have graduated high school. I may have fought tooth and nail to be everything I wasn’t, she made sure  I stayed true to myself.
“Oh, you want those Tripp pants with the huge pockets and a billions of chains? And you want to keep that tongue piercing your mom let you get a 16? Yeah, you can forget about that. You look ridiculous.”
And, like always, she was right. Instead, she took me to a local western store that I loved and bought me a couple shirts. She also made sure I had cowboy boots to fit my feet when they got all swollen from being pregnant.

When I live without this woman, my life goes to crap. I don’t know which way is up and which way is down. Without her, I would lose my sanity. If I call her and  have a slight hitch in my voice, within the next however long it takes her to convince me to talk about it, she will know exactly what is wrong and how to fix it. And I will probably be in tears from finally getting whatever I have been stressing about off my chest. I can only aspire to be as good of a mother as she is. There is a Brad Paisley song that always makes me think of her. It’s called “He Didn’t Have To Be”. Change all the “he”s to “she”s and you will understand. The ending line “Yeah, I hope I’m at least half the dad/That he didn’t have to be” is the one line that really resonates with me. I hope I’m at least half the mom that she didn’t have to be.

(That’s surprisingly not as bumpy as I thought. But, sorry for the skippage of yesterday. Yesterday was a letter to a hero that’s let you down. My daddy is my hero and he has never let me down, so I can’t really write anything for that.)

4 Comments »

Part Numero Two

Today’s day is a letter to a band that has got you through some rough days. Well for me that band would be Evanescence.

Day Thirteen.

Dear Amy Lee and the band of Evanescence.,

First off I just want to thank for the amazing music you guys make. it has definitely got me through some rough times from break ups to thinking about running away to cheering me up. It also is definitely the best music to let out all your pent up aggression and anger. I’m sure you get letters like this all the time. I would also like to tell you that I live three hours away from your home town of Little Rock, Arkansas.

The list of my favorite songs stretch over a bunch of songs. My favorite to let out all my pent up anger is “Call Me When Your Sober”, “Sweet Sacrifice”, and “Lose Control”. These three songs are the perfect three songs to ride around on a summer night with the windows down and the volume up as loud as possible. Also “All That I’m Living For” is also a good one!

“Forgive Me” is a song very near and dear to my heart. My favorite part of this song has stuck with me for years. ” ‘Cause you were made for me/Somehow I’ll make you see/How happy you make me.” This song helped me through some pretty rough times. It was on repeat for a while.

While songs like “Bring Me to Life”, “Going Under”, and “My Last Breath” are great songs, by now they are a little overplayed. Songs like “Everybody’s Fool”, “Snow White Queen”, and “Haunted” however are some of my favorites. These songs are some of the ones that stay on repeat and songs that I know just bout every word to.

So. Amy and the rest of the band, thanks for making some great music over the years. Thanks for being a band that I can rely on and one that gets me through some rough times. You make life manageable.

Your fan,

Danielle (:

Leave a comment »

%d bloggers like this: