TheLifeandTimesofaMom

Life and Times of a Mommy(:

Goodbye for now

No not you, my lovely followers. I will explain what is going on in a minute. First, I want to tell you guys that this post will be an emotional one. You might cry. I will probably be crying along with you. I apologize ahead of time for making you cry. But can I make one thing clear? What I’m about to share, I’ve accepted whole heartedly. Please do not say your sorry. Because to be honest I don’t know how react or what to say, other than thank you. And I don’t feel like that’s adequate enough for the situation. But I am ok with cyber hugs!

About a month ago, my mother had her first stroke. The carotid artery on the left side was 80% blocked. The doctors could leave the blockage alone and she would definitely have another stroke. If they went in and cleared the blockage, there was a chance she would have another stroke. So, they went ahead with the surgery. A side effect of the surgery was headaches because her brain wasn’t used to getting that much blood. No big deal, she dealt with headaches before.

Friday, April 18, she had a headache so bad it made her throw up. So, she went to lay down and take a nap. After that, she was never really responsive. She was taken to the hospital at 5:30 that afternoon. At that point I was on my way to church for an Easter service. We were on the bike, so I didn’t feel my phone vibrate. When we got to the church, I had missed calls and voicemails from my mom’s husband (techinically fiancé because they weren’t married yet). He said that my mom was back in the hospital. I couldn’t do anything from three hours away and didn’t have the gas to rush down there. So we went to the service. My grandpa called me as I was walking out the doors at 9. In a shaky voice, he told me that I needed to get to Little Rock as soon as possible. I knew why, but for some odd reason, I needed to hear it. My mother wasn’t doing good. She wasn’t responsive at all. She was in the emergency room but they would be moving her to ICU soon. At the word ICU, I almost collapsed in the parking lot.

Ladies and gents, that was the fastest ride on that bike I have ever been on. It was a little scary. Mostly because I kept fogging up the visor of my helmet trying not to cry. I had called my dad before we got on the bike and my dad told me exactly what I needed to hear to get me through the next five days. He told me “you need to cowboy up“. Which is his way of saying “get ready, things are about to get really f***ing rough”. (He knows first hand having lost a parent himself, but that’s another story.) So we got home, packed in about 10 minutes, and hightailed it to the state capitol.

We got to the hospital at about midnight. When we walked in my grandfather sat me down in the front entrance to explain to me what had happened with my mother. She had had another stroke earlier in the day. When she got to the hospital, a surgeon said that they could remove part of her skull to relieve the pressure on her brain and remove part of the bleed in her brain. This would give her a 50/50 chance. While trying to decide if they were going to do the surgery, she had another stroke. At this point, if she survived, she would never be able to talk again. The mother that I had talked to the day before was no longer there. She would have to do months of rehab and live in a nursing home the rest of her life, which would have pissed her off to no end. When I went back to see her, she was on a ventilator to keep her from choking on anything. She was also on numerous fluids and antibiotics.

At about 2:30 that morning, we left the hospital to get a few hours of sleep. My few, I mean 3. Maybe. That morning we ran a test to see if there was any brain function what so ever. We wanted to be extremely sure there was nothing there before we made any decisions. We didn’t want to second guess ourselves. At 12:20 Saturday, April 19, 2014, two days after my 22nd birthday and one day after my oldest son’s 4th birthday, my mother was pronounced brain dead. After that, it was up to the doctor on how to proceed. There was nothing more we could to. We would have 24 to 36 hours to day our goodbyes before a place called Aurora took over. Aurora would be the people in charge of donating her organs and tissues.

At 22 years old, 6 days after my birthday, I buried my mother. To everyone, I was strong and on top of everything. To my husband, I was coping until I was alone with him and could break down. I’m not a public crier. I had my break downs in the privacy of my car with my husband. I handled the funeral arrangements, shopping for an outfit for the funeral, doing my mother’s hair and make up so that she looked like my mother, and the funeral with surprising strength. My husband and family are extremely proud of me. I am extremely proud of myself.

I will always miss my mommy. I will always morn her loss. Our relationship might not have been the best, but she is still my mommy and I love her. Today, it’s rough. Little things keep setting me off. Saturday it was the word sinew. Today, it was a Rhode Island license plate. I’m hoping that eventually it will get easier. I’m sure it will always hurt, I’m sure I will always miss her. I know I will always lover her.

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Weekend Plans Gone Awry

Buzzzzzz. Buzzzzz. I looked down as my phone vibrated across my desk at work Friday morning. Who the heck is calling me at 9:30? They know I’m at work… I saw my mom’s husband’s name flash across the screen Well Todd wouldn’t be calling unless it was something important… So I answered

“Hello?”

“Danielle? Its Todd. I’ve got some news about your momma,” came the response from the other end of the line. “You know how I took her to the hospital last night?”

“Yeah….” I said thinking back to the conversation my mom and I had. Her right arm had been going numb and so had the right side of her mouth causing her to be unable to talk. She had told me about it a few weeks earlier. I didn’t want to scare her so I told her it sounded like a pinched nerve and told her to go to the doctor.

“Well, she’s had a couple mini strokes. That’s why her arm was going numb and she couldn’t talk.” My eyes instantly filled with tears. “She’s been admitted to the hospital.” The tears started over flowing. I tried to keep my voice steady as I finished the conversation.

“Have you called Memaw and Pepaw?” He had, they were on their way. “Ok. Just keep me updated. We will see you soon!”

I jumped up and rushed to the bathroom to try to calm down and breathe. My mother was at the hospital. She’d had multiple mini strokes. Not only was she in the hospital, she was in a hospital we had some rough memories at. So it was even harder. I walked out of the bathroom, still on the verge of a panic attack as I walked up to a coworker to tell her I was stepping outside to call my husband. That afternoon we made the three-hour trip south to Little Rock, Arkansas. We had already been planning to go down there already to visit family. This just through a small kink in our plans.

The diagnosis: my mommy had a blood clot in her brain that they thinned with blood thinners. She has a dark spot on her left frontal lobe and the lobe behind it. This is damage from where her brain wasn’t getting oxygen during the strokes. She has a blockage in her carotid artery (the other major artery in your neck) which is causing her right arm to go numb and stop working. This will need surgery. A surgeon will put a stent in to clear the blockage and keep another one from forming. She will be on aspirin for the rest of her natural life. She cannot, under any circumstances pick up another cigarette as long as she lives, not even an electronic one. She has a little trouble getting her words out right and stringing her thoughts together. But other than that, she’s ok. She was released Sunday afternoon.

This whole ordeal has definitely changed my opinion of mine and my mother’s relationship. We have our ups and downs, that’s for sure, but she is still my mommy and I love her. Seeing her looking so small and fragile in the hospital bed made me tear up all over again. I scooted her over and curled up in the bed with her for the first hour or so we were there. When we left Sunday morning, I couldn’t hug her enough and emphasize how much I truly do love her.

This is a picture of my mommy in 10th grade. Sadly I don't have any pictrues of us together on hand. I took this one from a stash of my grandmother's pictures

This is a picture of my mommy in 10th grade. Sadly I don’t have any pictures of us together on hand. I took this one from a stash of my grandmother’s pictures

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I Forgot Someone!!

Last night I went to bed at like 6:45. Guys. It was great!! But before I went to bed I was cruising Facebook, wondering why, oh why, do I still have this drama filled pit of despair?! And then I ran across one of my friend’s updates that they had liked a blog. A WordPress blog. So I clicked on it. I found a touching, tearful, scary, messy new blog to follow. The author of the blog is a mommy of three. Recently, she went through something that I hope I never have to experience. I would collapse in a puddle of hysterics, crawl into a hole, and never come out. Even though I have two kids. Jill, the author of this blog, is a strong, beautiful, amazing woman. Much stronger than I am. So, I wanted to award her the Shine On award. If someone was ever more diserving of this award it’s her. (I’m going to let her tell you guys her story. So go check out her blog!!)

shineonaward

Jill, I’m going to waive one of the rules, so you don’t need to mominate 15 other blogs. Unless you want to. But you do have to display this award on your blog and tell us seven things about yourself. Well, you don’t have to. But if you want to we would love to hear (read) them!!!

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Tragedy

I can’t even describe what’s going through my mind right now… On Tuesday my dad called and asked what the last name of a friend of mine was. I told him I didn’t know what name she would go by, as her husband and her were no longer together, so I gave him both names. He said that someone with the same name as her was in a car wreck over Memorial Day weekend.

I got off the phone and scoured Facebook. Neither her, her parents nor her brother had been on Facebook recently enough for me to think they would see a message from me, but I sent on to her anyway. I then Googeled every news station between my town and the Missouri state line.  I found multiple articles on the wreck but nothing concrete enough for me to know it was her. I went back to Facebook and compared names and ages. There was a baby in the car with her that didn’t make it. Later articles stated that there was another baby, who was 6 months old, in the car and was taken to the hospital. Today, I found an article, compared names and ages, and it is, indeed my friend.

Her, her boyfriends infant daughter, and her 6 month old daughter were in the car when my friend lost control. The car hit a sign, slid down an embankment, struck some trees, and landed on it’s side. My friend and her 6 month old were taken to a hospital for treatment, but her boyfriends daughter didn’t make it.

I can’t even describe the pain I feel. Her and I have been best friends since preschool. We went to school from then all the way through high school together. Despite some mishaps, we both graduated on time and together. I saw her in the hospital when she gave birth to her baby boy. I was a bridesmaid at her wedding. I helped her in her dress, helped her with her hair, helped her pee, fixed her dress at the alter, and gave the toast at the reception. Unfortunately, I haven’t met her daughter. I didn’t even know her and her husband had split up and that she had a boyfriend.

Life moves so fast sometimes, that you lose track of the people who have been there forever. You forget who has really supported you and stood by you through everything. You lose touch with the people who should be the first to know things. And that’s what happened between her and I. She has been my friend through ups, downs, high school, drama, boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, divorces, and pregnancy. Remember those people who have been there through all that and more, keep them close. You never know when something like this can happen.

I apologize for such an sad post today. We will finish the 30 days tomorrow. I do not have any solid information form her or her family. After finding out about the wreck, I messaged her on Facebook, called both numbers I had for her, stopped by her house, and called the hospital she was at. I’m not pushing this issue, as her boyfriend doesn’t know me and if it is her, I’m sure he wont’ want a stranger up in their business at this point in time. Hopefully, I will have some information soon. 

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Boston Marathon

I’m not sure if everyone has heard. There was a bombing in Boston at the Boston Marathon and another device was found at the JFK library. (I’m sure that there has been/will be a thousand posts on this but just wanted to put my thoughts out there.)

I don’t understand what goes through people’s minds to do something like this. I know there are some horrible people out there but geez. This is just crazy. There are injuries and a few deaths. There are many thoughts about who did this, where the bombs were placed, etc. I’m sure of it. I’ve seen pictures of possible mailboxes that the bombs were put in. I’ve seen a few pictures floating around with a shadowed figure (not sure if it’s a man or woman) standing on a roof right next to where the bombs happened. I’m personally not posting any pictures because some of them are gory, and I’m sure everyone knows how to use Google or Bing or your search engine of choice.

There are 16 people from my area running in the marathon. As far as I’ve heard 14 of the 16 have been in contact with a local news station. They are all safe. The news station is waiting for 2 more families of the runners to get in contact with them.

My prayers go out to not only the local families but everyone who was there, injured, and the families of the people who were killed.

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Starting January 6, 2013

Starting sundown on Sunday, January 6, 2013, I will be starting a series on this blog. It will be a 21 day fast where I will give up all social networking, web browsing, computers etc. from 5 pm until 8 pm. I will spend the time with my family and praying. I will be praying for four things:

  1. My family
  2. My future
  3. A friend
  4. Our nation

This will end at sundown on Sunday, January 27, 2013. On the four Sundays I will also post notes from my church service and Sunday school class. The notes will be posted separately because they will most likely be on two different subjects. If not then the notes will be posted together in the same post. I will document mine and my families journey through this interesting time. Part of this will be an attempt, and hopefully a success, to fix some major problems my husband and I are having. Another part will be an effort to spend more time as a family and not be glued to electronics when we should be spending time with each other.  I will also post my readings and personal study along with my notes. This will help me keep track of what’s going on along with sharing my story with people and hopefully bringing some one closer to God.

Thank you for reading and following I hope you enjoy (:

Note: This was planned by my church before the shooting happened in CT. These people will be in my prayers during this time. They are in my prayers now, but I will be praying harder for the healing of their families.

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