TheLifeandTimesofaMom

Life and Times of a Mommy(:

It’s happened…..

The one thing I hoped and prayed would never happen in all 18 years of raising my child. My oldest, Trey, the three year old, had learned to cuss…. It’s safe to say that I am mortified. Probably beyond mortified, but I’m not totally sure what is beyond that…. So I’m just going to stick with mortified.

This is probably my favorite picture of a child throwing a fit. Don't know what's going on but it fits my mental image perfectly!

This is probably my favorite picture of a child throwing a fit. Don’t know what’s going on but it fits my mental image perfectly!

A few weeks ago, I got a call from my wonderfull husband on the way home from work. My child had hit, bit, probably hit, and called the director of his daycare every name in the book except for white girl. Needless to say, my mouth had punched a hole through the car floor and was dragging along behind my car getting road rash while I was driving. My child has NEVER EVER EVERNEVERNEVEREVERNEVEREVERNEVER acted like that before in all his three and a half years on this planet.  He was so bad that the daycare was considering calling me to come get him. His explination behind this horrendous episode? He wanted his tractor. I was absolutely shocked. I called my dad and told him it was official. I couldn’t disown my son. He acts just. Like. Me. Preeeeeeety scary……

Last week, I got a text message from one of his teachers that I am SUPER DUPER UBER close with. (Back story: she was the director of the daycare I went to when I was in elementary school. She pinned me down and sat on me one time while she was like 7 months pregnant because I was trying to run off. See why I can’t deny that he’s my son?)  She said that he had kicked her and called her a bitch. I almost fell out into the floor at my office. I could not believe my child was acting like this again!!! My child just doesn’t do stuff like that…. I asked the teacher if I needed to come pick him up. Her response was almost priceless: “No. I just wanted to let you know. I’m playing on Facebook while he throws his fit. I think that makes him more mad than anything because I’m not paying attention to him. He’s so cute.” I smiled to myself, because I knew she was thinking back to when I was younger and all the hell I put her through. I’m the reason she has wrinkles and gray hair, not her three children.

I asked her what the reasoning behind this episode was. She said that he was told to go to the bathroom, but there was another little girl in there and we guess he didn’t want to wait. A few minutes later, she text me again. Again, the text was priceless. “Dude,” she said, “he just stopped in mid yell and told me he was ready to go back to class.” At this point, I could picture what was going on in the office where they were sitting. She was probably about to fall on the floor from laughing so hard, and he was probably looking at her like she was crazy.

Pop quiz time!!! Where you paying attention? I hope so. Ready? It’s an easy one, promise. Only one question. Okay. Here it is.

If  your child acted like this at school/daycare/caregiver’s, what would be your form of punishment? This is a hige debate between hubby and I. He thinks that Trey should be grounded for a few days, along with a spanking. I, on the other hand, disagree. I think a spanking when he gets home, and being in trouble for one night is good enough. So. There is your quiz. You’re on the clock! Ready?!?! On your mark! Get set! Go!!!!

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This Can’t Be Happening.

“Oh. My. Gosh!” were the only words that could describe the utter terror I felt when I ripped out half my eyebrow thanks to a lovely face mask I found on Pintrest Friday night. Yes. You read that right. I ripped out part of my eye brow. With a face mask. Found on Pintrest.

“What?! What did you do?” my husband asked from his spot on the other side of the room. As I explained his face went from horror to amusement to trying not to laugh as his wife stood over him on the verge of tears. Tears of pain and humiliation.

The mask I found was a DIY mask that had two ingredients: milk and unflavored gelatin. You mix a tablespoon or so of each, microwave it for a few seconds, and immediately apply it to your face. Once it hardens you peel it off. The thing said that it pulls out black heads and leaves your face baby butt smooth. I was all for this because I just had about 500 black heads pop up on my chin, nose, and forehead.

So it got hard (that’s what she said…sorry couldn’t resist), and I started pulling the mask off. Man, it was like waxing!! I pulled off a couple pieces next to my eyebrow and noticed a few hairs but ignored it. I got the stuff of my chin, most of my forehead, my nose, and a little off my jaw. (It wouldn’t harden on my jaw for some reason.) Then I went to pull it off of my eyebrow… Aaaaaaand there went half of it. In my hand. Needless to say, I didn’t go anywhere Saturday and the only reason I got out of my house Sunday was because my grandma needed me to come help her jump start her car. Which turned into a trip to the grocery store. Then I just thought “what the hell…might as well go to church…”. And I’m of course at work…

Thankfully no one has said anything about it unless I point it out. So, obviously I haven’t pointed it out to too many people. Just two of my best friends and my grandma. They were nice enough to not bust out laughing at me like my husband almost did… Guess it’s time to invest in a brow pencil… Hopefully I can’t screw that up to bad.

And for your viewing pleasure, my lovely missing eyebrow...

And for your viewing pleasure, my lovely missing eyebrow…

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