#leftswipedat!

Ok so I know that they are trying to Stamp Out Smoking, but this is getting a little ridiculous. I mean I remember the original SOS adds. (Turns out that might just be an Arkansas thing. Thanks Google…) They got your attention and got to the point and were done. But these new ones…. Guys I have no idea what they are talking about… I’m assuming it has something to do with that new app Tinder? But I don’t know…

For those of us who are already married and don’t use Tinder, I’m not totally for sure how this is supposed to relate to us… Personally, I looked at Tinder for about 2.7 seconds. But I get most of my information about the website from single people who I see on The Berry and stuff like that. (Ladies, if you haven’t checked out The Berry, I highly suggest it. It is amazing!)

I understand all the complications of smoking. Probably more than anyone. Considering my mom died of a stroke, which smoking contributes to, and my great-grandfather died of a heart attack and emphysema. The side effects of smoking has affected my life greatly, however, in times of great stress, I find myself wanting to pick up a Marlboro red 100 to relive the stress. The same brand that my mother smoked. I know it isn’t good for me but I but a pack literally every six months if that. But these commercials are just getting out of hand. I think it’s a little ridiculous.

Upon googling the link for the #leftswipedat commercial, I instead found the link for the full music video. I skimmed it and it looks like they left a lot of stupid stuff out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about stamping out smoking, and by all means make your commercials relatable. But this is pushing it just a little. I mean I didn’t know what the thing was talking about at first… Still don’t really understand it. But here is the commercial for you all to see for yourself!

 

What. Have. I. Done?!?!?!

So everyone remembers The Great Hair Catastrophe right? Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell……. It has happened again. Yes. You read that right. I have had another Great Hair Catastrophe. And I’m honestly not sure which is worse… Everyone tells me that this one is not that bad, but I absolutely hate it.. Like heat from the 7th circle of hell… (That’s a place right? I mean I’ve never read Daunte’s inferno or anything like that… So I’m not sur…) But here’s the story.

I had this super bright (no sarcasam there I swear) idea that I would donate ten inches to Locks of Love. This one charity that I truly love hearing about. I’ve been growing my hair out for over a year now. Probably about a year a half.

This is what I started with..

My hair was down to about the middle of my back. I went in to my hair stylist on Valentine’s day and decided it was time to cut it off. I had been playing around with the idea for a while because I have extremely thick hair. So I had finally made the decision to chop it off. Measured it, and it was just over 10 inches. (Which is how much you have to 10 inches to donate.)

So the stylist set to cutting. And cutting. And cutting. Aaaaaaaaaaand cutting. And then the styling started… Don’t get me wrong I love my stylist. She’s great. She did a great job when she died my hair. But I think we took a little too much off when we cut it… Because now I hate it. Like I feel like I just stepped out of the 1920s and I should be wearing a flapper dress with my boobs tapped down, sitting in a basement turned speakeasy drinking illegally made moonshine.

I’m not sure if it was because styled it with a straightener and the curls where just massive but I’m still waiting to fall in love with my new cut… Guess it will just have to grow on me.. (Insert drum and symbols and my horribly lame pun..)

 

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Don’t forget to catch all the other great stories at YeahWrite!!

 

For those interested, here is the guidelines for donating and volunteering.

Hey Momma,

We sure did have a rough go of it, didn’t we? When I tell people that, I’m sure they thing we had the normal mother/teenage daughter relationship. Boy, where they wrong!! No offense, but you kinda lost your mind when you turned 40. It started a little before then, but man, at 40, it got bad. I don’t know if you were trying to rebel again, or what, but woman, you was cah-ray-zeee!!!!!

And when we stopped talking for those 6 months, it was rough. But you needed some tough love. To be honest, the only reason I fixed things was because I didn’t want things to be awkward at Memaw’s during Kase’s baby shower. I never told her we stopped talking. I didn’t want to upset her. She hoped you would come to your senses one day. I think you did a little bit after that.

You know, the toughest part about this, is I can’t call you and say “hey mom guess who I talked to” or “guess who/what I saw!” I especially can’t tell you all the family gossip and who all came to see you. That really sucks. On the plus side though, I got to be you for a change. I got to have some great bonding time with Robin and Amanda on Easter. I got to talk and gossip like an adult! Without having to talk over you.

Mommy, you know I love you. You know I would never do anything to hurt you. When I stopped talking to you, that was for the both of us. So I could learn to be an adult and so could you. When I moved back home with Dad, that was so I could do all the things that you told me I could do all the things you told me I could. Not to abandon you. So when I write these next words, I hope you can understand my reasoning behind it. I hope you will support my decision. It’s for the best, please know that.

In a few months, when everyone is ready, I will go to your mother’s and get what I want of yours. But after that, I will no longer see or speak to your mother or Todd. The only thing keeping me tied to her, Todd, and his family was you. I know she’s had a rough life, but you and I both know she hasn’t liked me for about 9 years now. And I really hope you saw how she treated me while I was there last week. I have never been anything but nice to that woman. She will no longer be part of my family. My children will not know her. Please understand why I’m doing this momma.

I’m really glad I got to talk to you and hear your voice one last time. Mommy, I love you and I miss you. I can’t believe your gone. But I know you were ready. Say hi to everyone for me. Be with me, always.

Love,

Your Baby Girl

 

P.S. For a little more info on whats going on, go here.

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 Be sure to check out everything else that’s going on at YeahWrite!! There some pretty awesome things!!

Goodbye for now

No not you, my lovely followers. I will explain what is going on in a minute. First, I want to tell you guys that this post will be an emotional one. You might cry. I will probably be crying along with you. I apologize ahead of time for making you cry. But can I make one thing clear? What I’m about to share, I’ve accepted whole heartedly. Please do not say your sorry. Because to be honest I don’t know how react or what to say, other than thank you. And I don’t feel like that’s adequate enough for the situation. But I am ok with cyber hugs!

About a month ago, my mother had her first stroke. The carotid artery on the left side was 80% blocked. The doctors could leave the blockage alone and she would definitely have another stroke. If they went in and cleared the blockage, there was a chance she would have another stroke. So, they went ahead with the surgery. A side effect of the surgery was headaches because her brain wasn’t used to getting that much blood. No big deal, she dealt with headaches before.

Friday, April 18, she had a headache so bad it made her throw up. So, she went to lay down and take a nap. After that, she was never really responsive. She was taken to the hospital at 5:30 that afternoon. At that point I was on my way to church for an Easter service. We were on the bike, so I didn’t feel my phone vibrate. When we got to the church, I had missed calls and voicemails from my mom’s husband (techinically fiancé because they weren’t married yet). He said that my mom was back in the hospital. I couldn’t do anything from three hours away and didn’t have the gas to rush down there. So we went to the service. My grandpa called me as I was walking out the doors at 9. In a shaky voice, he told me that I needed to get to Little Rock as soon as possible. I knew why, but for some odd reason, I needed to hear it. My mother wasn’t doing good. She wasn’t responsive at all. She was in the emergency room but they would be moving her to ICU soon. At the word ICU, I almost collapsed in the parking lot.

Ladies and gents, that was the fastest ride on that bike I have ever been on. It was a little scary. Mostly because I kept fogging up the visor of my helmet trying not to cry. I had called my dad before we got on the bike and my dad told me exactly what I needed to hear to get me through the next five days. He told me “you need to cowboy up“. Which is his way of saying “get ready, things are about to get really f***ing rough”. (He knows first hand having lost a parent himself, but that’s another story.) So we got home, packed in about 10 minutes, and hightailed it to the state capitol.

We got to the hospital at about midnight. When we walked in my grandfather sat me down in the front entrance to explain to me what had happened with my mother. She had had another stroke earlier in the day. When she got to the hospital, a surgeon said that they could remove part of her skull to relieve the pressure on her brain and remove part of the bleed in her brain. This would give her a 50/50 chance. While trying to decide if they were going to do the surgery, she had another stroke. At this point, if she survived, she would never be able to talk again. The mother that I had talked to the day before was no longer there. She would have to do months of rehab and live in a nursing home the rest of her life, which would have pissed her off to no end. When I went back to see her, she was on a ventilator to keep her from choking on anything. She was also on numerous fluids and antibiotics.

At about 2:30 that morning, we left the hospital to get a few hours of sleep. My few, I mean 3. Maybe. That morning we ran a test to see if there was any brain function what so ever. We wanted to be extremely sure there was nothing there before we made any decisions. We didn’t want to second guess ourselves. At 12:20 Saturday, April 19, 2014, two days after my 22nd birthday and one day after my oldest son’s 4th birthday, my mother was pronounced brain dead. After that, it was up to the doctor on how to proceed. There was nothing more we could to. We would have 24 to 36 hours to day our goodbyes before a place called Aurora took over. Aurora would be the people in charge of donating her organs and tissues.

At 22 years old, 6 days after my birthday, I buried my mother. To everyone, I was strong and on top of everything. To my husband, I was coping until I was alone with him and could break down. I’m not a public crier. I had my break downs in the privacy of my car with my husband. I handled the funeral arrangements, shopping for an outfit for the funeral, doing my mother’s hair and make up so that she looked like my mother, and the funeral with surprising strength. My husband and family are extremely proud of me. I am extremely proud of myself.

I will always miss my mommy. I will always morn her loss. Our relationship might not have been the best, but she is still my mommy and I love her. Today, it’s rough. Little things keep setting me off. Saturday it was the word sinew. Today, it was a Rhode Island license plate. I’m hoping that eventually it will get easier. I’m sure it will always hurt, I’m sure I will always miss her. I know I will always lover her.

Four Years…

This was taken on Easter. That is mine and my little brother’s hand over my belly. This was the weekend before I had him

April 18th, 2010 started out like any other Sunday morning. I was 36 weeks pregnant and as big as a house. I mean ginormous. I woke up, got dressed in the comfiest dress I owned, and went to church with my parents. After church, my step mom and I went to Taco Bell. I told her that I was having some weird crampy pains in my stomach. They didn’t really hurt, they were just kind of annoying. “Oh,” she said, “I bet it’s the Taco Bell acting up. I bet Trey doesn’t like it.” So off we went to my baby shower.

The shower was at my best friends house. Sadly, she was at work. But my other best friend was nice enough to show. So there I was sitting there on my best friend’s mom’s prized leather couch. Everyone was getting there food and drinks and party favors. They were all women from my step mom’s Sunday school class, so they were also discussing the sermon and class from earlier. The presents were scattered haphazardly around me waiting to be opened. I glanced over at my best friend and whispered, “you know it would really suck if my water broke right now…”

“WHAT?!?! Your water just broke!?!” My best friend practically shrieked across the room. She was, and still to this day, not the master of subtly, or quietness. My eyes got really big and went to shush her aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then I felt it. A little trickle that kinda felt like I peed myself. Every one’s heads jerked in my direction. I’m pretty sure I heard a couple of necks crack from the sheer force they were cranked at. My step mom rushed me off to the bathroom to check and make sure everything was ok. I sat there on the toilet for a few seconds and she poked her head in the bathroom, caught a glimpse of my undies and said “Yup. It broke.”

The hostess gave me a pair of clean, dry panties and a pad. I slid them on and walked back into the living room to hear my step mom say something about finishing with the presents before we went to the hospital. (We were literally like 5 or 6 minutes away from the hospital.) So. I finished opening my presents, picked what I wanted to take to the hospital with me, packed everything up, and left. On the way, I called my dad and told him to pack a bag for me with my green plaid pants with the pink ribbon tie, a couple t shirts and some undies because we were going to the hospital just in case.

This is my little man at a few weeks old layin’ on his Nanna

About 8 hours, an almost fight in the delivery room, a small scare with my little man facing the wrong way, and a lovely discussion about who was going to win which category on the CMAs later, my little bundle of joy was finally here. Born at 7 pounds, 9 ounces and 20 inches long, my little man was finally here. He was gorgeous. He was so sweet. He was all mine. He made me feel whole.

Good Friday, April 18th, 2014, that little bundle of joy, my little man, will be four years old. He is growing up on me so fast. Next year he will be starting Kindergarten. He can use the potty by himself, completely and totally. He doesn’t need Mommy to dress him (even though I still do). He doesn’t need help eating anymore. He doesn’t cuddle anymore, too much energy for that. His laugh has changed from that cute baby giggle to that cute little kid laugh. It seems like yesterday he was my little baby. Now he really is growing up into a great little man. For four years, I’ve watched him grow and become this awesome little person. I cannot wait to see what the rest of the future has in store for me. He can be a handful, but he will always be my baby, my little man.

 

This is my little man on his first day of school. Look how grown up he looks.

 

Weekend Plans Gone Awry

Buzzzzzz. Buzzzzz. I looked down as my phone vibrated across my desk at work Friday morning. Who the heck is calling me at 9:30? They know I’m at work… I saw my mom’s husband’s name flash across the screen Well Todd wouldn’t be calling unless it was something important… So I answered

“Hello?”

“Danielle? Its Todd. I’ve got some news about your momma,” came the response from the other end of the line. “You know how I took her to the hospital last night?”

“Yeah….” I said thinking back to the conversation my mom and I had. Her right arm had been going numb and so had the right side of her mouth causing her to be unable to talk. She had told me about it a few weeks earlier. I didn’t want to scare her so I told her it sounded like a pinched nerve and told her to go to the doctor.

“Well, she’s had a couple mini strokes. That’s why her arm was going numb and she couldn’t talk.” My eyes instantly filled with tears. “She’s been admitted to the hospital.” The tears started over flowing. I tried to keep my voice steady as I finished the conversation.

“Have you called Memaw and Pepaw?” He had, they were on their way. “Ok. Just keep me updated. We will see you soon!”

I jumped up and rushed to the bathroom to try to calm down and breathe. My mother was at the hospital. She’d had multiple mini strokes. Not only was she in the hospital, she was in a hospital we had some rough memories at. So it was even harder. I walked out of the bathroom, still on the verge of a panic attack as I walked up to a coworker to tell her I was stepping outside to call my husband. That afternoon we made the three-hour trip south to Little Rock, Arkansas. We had already been planning to go down there already to visit family. This just through a small kink in our plans.

The diagnosis: my mommy had a blood clot in her brain that they thinned with blood thinners. She has a dark spot on her left frontal lobe and the lobe behind it. This is damage from where her brain wasn’t getting oxygen during the strokes. She has a blockage in her carotid artery (the other major artery in your neck) which is causing her right arm to go numb and stop working. This will need surgery. A surgeon will put a stent in to clear the blockage and keep another one from forming. She will be on aspirin for the rest of her natural life. She cannot, under any circumstances pick up another cigarette as long as she lives, not even an electronic one. She has a little trouble getting her words out right and stringing her thoughts together. But other than that, she’s ok. She was released Sunday afternoon.

This whole ordeal has definitely changed my opinion of mine and my mother’s relationship. We have our ups and downs, that’s for sure, but she is still my mommy and I love her. Seeing her looking so small and fragile in the hospital bed made me tear up all over again. I scooted her over and curled up in the bed with her for the first hour or so we were there. When we left Sunday morning, I couldn’t hug her enough and emphasize how much I truly do love her.

This is a picture of my mommy in 10th grade. Sadly I don’t have any pictures of us together on hand. I took this one from a stash of my grandmother’s pictures

It’s happened…..

The one thing I hoped and prayed would never happen in all 18 years of raising my child. My oldest, Trey, the three year old, had learned to cuss…. It’s safe to say that I am mortified. Probably beyond mortified, but I’m not totally sure what is beyond that…. So I’m just going to stick with mortified.

This is probably my favorite picture of a child throwing a fit. Don’t know what’s going on but it fits my mental image perfectly!

A few weeks ago, I got a call from my wonderfull husband on the way home from work. My child had hit, bit, probably hit, and called the director of his daycare every name in the book except for white girl. Needless to say, my mouth had punched a hole through the car floor and was dragging along behind my car getting road rash while I was driving. My child has NEVER EVER EVERNEVERNEVEREVERNEVEREVERNEVER acted like that before in all his three and a half years on this planet.  He was so bad that the daycare was considering calling me to come get him. His explination behind this horrendous episode? He wanted his tractor. I was absolutely shocked. I called my dad and told him it was official. I couldn’t disown my son. He acts just. Like. Me. Preeeeeeety scary……

Last week, I got a text message from one of his teachers that I am SUPER DUPER UBER close with. (Back story: she was the director of the daycare I went to when I was in elementary school. She pinned me down and sat on me one time while she was like 7 months pregnant because I was trying to run off. See why I can’t deny that he’s my son?)  She said that he had kicked her and called her a bitch. I almost fell out into the floor at my office. I could not believe my child was acting like this again!!! My child just doesn’t do stuff like that…. I asked the teacher if I needed to come pick him up. Her response was almost priceless: “No. I just wanted to let you know. I’m playing on Facebook while he throws his fit. I think that makes him more mad than anything because I’m not paying attention to him. He’s so cute.” I smiled to myself, because I knew she was thinking back to when I was younger and all the hell I put her through. I’m the reason she has wrinkles and gray hair, not her three children.

I asked her what the reasoning behind this episode was. She said that he was told to go to the bathroom, but there was another little girl in there and we guess he didn’t want to wait. A few minutes later, she text me again. Again, the text was priceless. “Dude,” she said, “he just stopped in mid yell and told me he was ready to go back to class.” At this point, I could picture what was going on in the office where they were sitting. She was probably about to fall on the floor from laughing so hard, and he was probably looking at her like she was crazy.

Pop quiz time!!! Where you paying attention? I hope so. Ready? It’s an easy one, promise. Only one question. Okay. Here it is.

If  your child acted like this at school/daycare/caregiver’s, what would be your form of punishment? This is a hige debate between hubby and I. He thinks that Trey should be grounded for a few days, along with a spanking. I, on the other hand, disagree. I think a spanking when he gets home, and being in trouble for one night is good enough. So. There is your quiz. You’re on the clock! Ready?!?! On your mark! Get set! Go!!!!

Just an FYI

But things might be changing a little bit throughout the next little while. I’m not totally sure how long it’s going to take for these changes to take effect. As I’ve said multiple times, my computer is a little glitchy, so a lot of these changes may take place at work on my lunch break. Which is only 30 minutes. So it may take longer than I expect. Also, don’t be alarmed if something is there one day and gone the next. Be prepared for a major overhaul!!! It’s going to be fun don’t worry 😉 Aaaaaaaaand one more thing. I have a new email address connected to the site that I will check regularly.  So please feel free to email questions, comments, concerns, notes, anything but spam toooooooooooooooooooooo thelifeandtimesofamom@gmail.com.

Snow Day!

It started some time late Saturday night or early Sunday morning. Ice. Sleet. Solid sheets. Everywhere. And on top of that there is snow. So of course, schools where closed today. The plan was that I would stay home from work today with the youngest and the oldest would go to my grandma’s. For the most part, that’s what happened. The only change was that about 8 o’clock this morning, hubby walked back in the house. I was surprised and asked what he was doing home. Apparently his work was closed. So I get to stay home with him and the youngest!! Wooo!! It is March third and I am at home because schools are closed because of snow. Ok Mother Nature, we get the point. You can do whatever the heck you want. So can you want to make it spring now? Personally I’m sick and tired of the cold and the snow. Thanks, you’re the best!

It’s official. We’ve entered the terrible twos with the youngest. He hits, he spits, he throws fits. The only thing he doesn’t do is bite. Well. At least not a lot. He’s got a spanking a couple times today. Whenever he gets spanked, he hits back or spits at you. Which causes his daddy to laugh. This of course makes me even more mad. He shouldn’t be laughing at him. It dosen’t help the situation. Or my headache that has popped up. Oh, and he’s also learned how to growl. Thankfully he doesn’t do that when he is mad.

I would make this longer but my computer is about to get thrown across the room because it keeps glitching and freezing and I have this weird add bar at the bottom of the screen that I can’t get rid of…. And I’ve kinda run out of things to talk about that isn’t whining about my kids. So. Have a great week everyone!

Trumpets and Fanfare

Heeeeeeeeeeey guys. Gosh I really do suck… I cannot keep up with this thing. And it really sucks because I miss all my awesome peeps that follow me and that I follow. So I’m going to give you a super duper uber quick (knowing me a super long) update on everything that’s going on!!! If I repeat myself, I apologize in advance.

First off. I’m official at my job. That’s right. This girl has a full time, 40 hour  a week job!!! What what!!!! I’m not going to name the company, but I will tell you it’s a major trucking company here in Arkansas. I’ve got great bosses and some great coworkers. WE actually have a new temp that I’m seriously hoping we get to keep because she is a) close to my age,b) she’s pretty freaking awesome, and c) she’s a lot like me so we get along really well. And we also really need the help in my department. My department consists of me, my boss, and the temp. So between us we have a lot of work to do.

Second. I had to restart my C25K program. Somehow last time I messed up my knee pretty bad. It was swollen and really sore. It felt like someone stuck a sharp object underneath my kneecap and was trying to pry it off. I had it propped up on a trash can with ice on it under my desk for  a week. And then one day I turned and it went POP!!!! The swelling went down and the pain stopped. And of course I didn’t have insurance so I couldn’t go to the doctor. By the time I got insurance the problems went away. Just my luck right? But I have started the C25K program again and now I have a running buddy!!! The new girl at work goes to the gym with me and we started a week ago. I will be on week three on Monday because I started a week before her, but we are both super excited!!

Third. My oldest son is going to be four in April!! I can’t believe how time flies!! It’s craziness!! Recently we have been having trouble at school. One day he kicked, bit, a cursed out the director of the daycare. He called her almost everything in the book, except white girl. Last week he kicked another teacher and called her a b*tch… Thankfully she took it better than most teacher because she dealt with me and I was a little hellion. She text me to tell me what was going on and she said that she just let him throw his fit and ignored him, which of course made him even more mad because no one was paying any attention to him. He also stopped mid yell to say he was ready to go back to class. Do any mommies have an advice on how to handle this situation? The first time it happened he was grounded for a few days.I understand that he is too young to really understand why he is grounded but I’m not really sure how to handle the situation. So any advice is welcome!!

So, I think that’s my entire update. Shorter than I thought.. That’s a first!! Hopefully, this time I will have time to keep up with everyone.